I found a T who has the ability and experance to work with me.
I have a lot of requirements for a T that rule out most practicing therapists. I need someone with extensive EMDR training. CSA, Trauma, Sexual Addiction, DID, dissociative issues, etc. the addiction stuff has not been an issue for quite sometime now, but it is a big part of what I have learned to deal with. I just wanted someone who gets this stuff and my isues aren't going to challenge any paradigms, or that I would see horror and rejection reflected back in his face. I have never been able to work through any trauma stuff in my now almost 20 years of working through this stuff. Just behavioral and emotional stability work. I supose my counselors have eather not been qualified or could tell I was not ready to go there. I am as ready as I will ever be, so I go for a 2 hour intake and planing session a week from today. Based on the phone call to set this up he is cautious about jumping into EMDR. I think he is concerned about the DID stuff. He mention that there can be some, name I can't remember, fractured parts that haven't grown and have gotten worse over time. Interesting what the brain can do when it has to I suppose. Well sound like he can deal with my fractured traumatized state no problem. So far so good. But I am a bit stresed out. Just fear I supose. Bad dreams, emotional symbolic dreams, scatered sleep and a heavy tention seams to be a growing pattern. I think a month from now should be quite telling for me in all of this. I realy hope it works out.
It's a 5.5 hour drive one way so that's a bit hard. I supose I could keep looking but it seams like a long drive may be the price to pay for a good fit. It dawns on me that I could easily be 15 hours or more away from home to go to a session. I will likely have to tell my adult children who live at home what I am doing. They know I have some non csa childhood trauma so I can just go with a half truth and get by. This seam like a lot of work especially if I go once a week for a wile. I hope I can keep it up and the rest of life as well.
Well, dam the torpedos after all.
Note to self:
Stand up and keep your footing,
You are not alone. This place is full of people who will reach out to help.