there are lots of familiar themes in your story: partial and repressed memories, parental abuse, sensory triggers...
many of us have had similar experiences and can offer support and encouragement. my history included step-dad's unwanted attention from 5 - 13 as well as verbal until i moved out at 18. though i don't know details of your treatment, my recent life demonstrates that there is hope for a better life.
good to have you with us,
"That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. . . What will your verse be?" Robin Williams as John Keating in "Dead Poets Society"