Dear Thulas,

There is much to feel discouraged about in this cycle, dear supporter, and yes, it is an abuse controlled cycle.

It sounds like something triggered him, it could have been something he had seen in the store, a flashback of an unpleasant or abusive time or even an anxiety attack that had no other symptoms or stimuli. His abrupt emotional swing from a panicked exit to joking in minutes is a strong personality swing out of control. If you could have asked him, he would have wanted to stay and get you necessary things, enjoying the time with you and your daughter.

I feel for you Thulas. It is chaos for a supporter to have to work with this erratic cycle. I encourage you to make sure you get those necessary things you need for your personal care apart from him, do not go without, you are so very important. Get outside support for your emotional needs, a confidant who agrees with a strong marriage and supports you all and to set firm boundaries so that in the future you and your child will not have to experience those struggles in him so vividly.

May I offer? When he changes from outgoing and easy to harsh and demanding, try to comply as quickly as possible. When he is safe, as in this time when he is driving away, ask him what was the problem. Whatever the answer, even if he is sullen and unresponsive, thank him for making sure his family is safe. When you see him understand your appreciation, tell him you have to have necessary things. He will want to help you. This will be difficult, I understand.

My best to you dear supporter, your brother,
Sam
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MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014