agree--it is always wonderful to meet people who understand. After a fugue episode that I ended up in a hospital--I met many caring and understand medical professions. Once I came back seven hours after being admitted and about 20 hours after wandering--I was speaking with a young nurse who was tending to me. She had graduated 2 years prior from my alma mater and she spoke of fugues and trauma--with such understanding. She was in the emergency room--I was transferred to neurology. They along with psych department evaluated me. I was consoled with their understanding and conveyance of the effects of trauma--dissociation and fugue. They noted my fear of not knowing what happened in the time I was no here and lacked memory. I have fears and I am scared of those times-the not knowing gnaws at me--I try to remember but it does not happen. But people near me, seem to know these episodes are bs--their medical degrees and training in trauma do not exist--but they espouse their knowledge of what has happened and I have been told CSA trauma does not cause dissociation and fugues. They refuse to speak with trauma experts but rely on medical professionals not trained in trauma and CSA as well as people studying in the medical profession. But they know we do not suffer these effect. I live with this each day--hearing of what I have done, but to me I do not know. I am convince I will be better off not being subject to these taunts and hope they open their minds and realize the impact lack of knowledge and compassion have on those suffering these hidden illnesses. I believe their hurtful and spiteful comments are impeding my healing, why, fear to realize my triggers were some of their doing. They see nothing wrong with spitting on a person, locking a person in a room, spying ransacking personal property-basically stalking--they think these actions will not destroy a person and one with a history of CSA and feeling captive and longing for love and battling feeling of repulsion to the abuse and harboring feeling of being special to the abuser would be impacted by these actions. Sorry, no matter one's history, these are destructive actions and if they do not see this they will repeat these actions and sadly I believe certains aspects of this attitude may be in how they live. I am ready to move on for myself--I will always love my children but it is in their corner to stop judging what they do not know. I have also learned, understanding and compassion to these illnesses is a reflection of a person's character and what they have learned from their those around them.


Edited by KMCINVA (01/08/13 09:20 PM)