When I think about it, that my dad was sexually abusing, penetration and everything you can think of while going back home and having sex with my mom. It's almost like I was having sex with her in a way. His penis would go inside my mom and also inside me. It's like almost having a sexual experience with my own mom, that's how close it was. Now I think about it more. What does it mean if she continued to have sex with him even after she found out about the abuse? Does this mean my abuse turns her on? What if she already knew what was going on when it was happening and she didn't do anything because it was normal to her? It's a realistic possibility. When I think about it, would I rather my abuser be a male or female? It would make me feel better if it was a female since I was a guy. I sometimes imagine her doing it.