Sorry about the change of title - It just seems so appropiate for our 'talk'. I have to admit that in my family the Vampire myth is a reality (except for me I hope. Lol)
So it has been a rough couple of days for me.
I think it has taken a little while for the stuff we talked about to sink in and to 'test' what he said against what I already know. I have come to realise that I can not 100% believe everything he said. He was obviously trying to make himself look 'less guilty'.
So his story.... Interview With A Vampire
(Readers Digest Version)
Starts with my dad! My dad used to 'watch' him take a bath on his weekends when he was single. My brother would have been maybe 3-4. He said he never touched him but the way he looked at him naked in the bath freaked him out. (I can see that happening - my dad has made me feel weird too)
He told me about his crappy upbringing (living with his mum in trailer parks and the physical abuse from her boyfriends). He has another 6 half brothers and sisters from 4 different dads on his mum's side. He was never wanted at either house and my mum hated him. (I can see how he 'wins' on this one)
As suspected he was abused himself but all 'touchy feely', 'show and tell' stuff - volumns of it - but most with boys and girls of a similar age (always with the other child as the instigator) Hmmmm. There was one incident where some boys father took naked pics of the all together 'touching eachother) Not that that stuff isn't enough to mess you up but I assumed his abuse would be similar to what he did to me.
He told me what happened between him and my other brother (They were probably about 16 and 10 but he says 13 and 7) - which he says was initiated by my middle brother. They played 'Dick Surgery' (the same friend that abused me with my middle brother taught him the game). This continues for months and included oral, mutual J/Os and attempted anal. My half brother still takes responsibility because he was older. THIS WAS A SHOCK!!!! I had assumed that my half brother had abused my middle brother too - not that it was a mutual sexual relationship/experimentation thing. Now I have time to think about it - it makes sense - but makes me feel sick. This knowledge is by far one of the hardest things for me to get my head around.
He said that the stuff with my middle brother was 'worse' than with me - meaning more often and varied. I pointed out that they both had prior experience and were closer in age and that it was actually 'WORSE' what he did to me because I was only 3 or 4 and he was 10 years older and it was VERY one sided.
He said when he thinks about what he did it horrifies him that he actually did it - I believed him - it seemed genuine but now I'm not sure if he was just in damage control mode. Saying what I need to hear.
He also told me that he had made me tough him in 'my room'. I only have memories of stuff happening in 'his room'. This scares me that i can't remember that.
My parents never said anything to him about abusing me.
He still has unwanted urges around young teen girls - but he says he shuts them down and does not feed them. He has no SSA apparently - Traveler - looks like I didn't have to worry about being too hot.
He assures me his son is safe and I believe him
PS - there is more I'm just not ready to say it here yet.