ouray - welcome.
if you can ever find guys who understand, you will find them here.
i can't say i've been through what you have - but i know there are others here who have.
best wishes for your healing - physically as well as emotionally.
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself... And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." - Paulo Coelho