I had amnesia about abuse and my childhood in general until I was in my mid-forties.
Your mid 40's?! God, I'm 28 now. Do you think it's at all possible that I could speed the process up? I mean, did you have a period of time where you wanted to know but couldn't remember if you tried?
Definitely. For one thing you're here in MS. You already know something of what you've been through. When I was a kid, nobody ever talked about abuse, but it was prevalent in scouts and other places. So you really need to find a therapist you can trust and who can help you remember stuff in a controlled way, where the memories are defused as they come up. There are lots of trustworthy therapists out there. We have a directory of therapists here in MS. Without a doubt your issues from the past are causing your present symptoms.