I had to learn how, as an adult. I never learned how to show love as a child - I had no role models.
And receiving love was terrifying. First - Someone who loves you can stop loving you/abandon you. It's safer to not be loved. That way you can't hurt anyone and no one can abandon you. Second - When I was in my teens and moved in with my grandma (the first home where I wasn't abused) I had no idea how to respond to kindness. It was completely foreign to me. It was unknown and therefor frightening. I did my best to hurt her and piss her off just so she would act in a way that made sense to me, that I knew how to respond to...
How did you learn as an adult?
What your wrote is familiar! He always said he was terrified of disappointing me - would hurt me often then feel so much pain over it. It never made any sense to me. Why hurt another in the first place?