I should say 'Lack of' appropriate dinner conversation.
I feel alone bc my whole life experiences are not something I can discuss "normally" with others. The thoughts I think, struggles I have, places I have been and the things I have seen are all 'inappropriate' to discuss at the dinner table or with family on the holidays or to tuck the kids in with.
Having been forced to drink from the trough of experience so early has skewed my childhood memories. Can only recall the bad stuff.. Hell it has all been bad over 30 years with a FEW elect, select hours, or days maybe as exceptions- most of which get ran over by the intrusive freight train of bad.
Even my career choices have put me right back on the edge of living (on purpose I guess). Leading edge iron work and carpentry place me up high enough where I must survive, but it helps me not think of all the rest... Just the triage of what needs done first.. like dont fall.
I never got to learn right / wrong. Just should / should not.
So do I talk to my family on Easter about rape? About prison? At the dinner table? Crime? Violence? Self hatred? Anger? Traumas? Riots?
Well, thats all I got.
So I remain Isolated and Silent.
Wishing my life were better and that it had provided me with some appropriate dinner conversation or a reason to thank some god for my life and experiences.
BrokenLeg@2 EarCutoff@5 RanOver@7 UnanethesizedSurgeries@8 rapedfrom10to11 Dysfunction&Druguse@12 Crime@13 Dotdotdot Violence Jail@18Escaped Prison@19GladiatorSchool Max@20 Supermax@21 HellEnsues THROWNbacktothestreets@26 MarriedWKids@28 HeardofCptsd@33
And the days tick by all the same