I'm coming to terms with a lie I've been telling myself a long time - that I'm unlovable because I've never had any real relationships.
I've been challenged to take another look at this statement, and have to conclude that I've been lying to myself, to my detriment. I wish I understood WHY I've been lying to myself; what purpose does it serve to make myself feel so shitty about myself and about life (and other people?).
The truth is, I can count half a dozen people who had given all they had to give to me within the definition of a friendship / relationship. Some of these friendships were very intense, very intimate, and consisted of some sexual behaviors as well.
I can count another half dozen relationships with friends who were determined to be my friend, and showed it in spades.
I have discounted all these relationships, because they didn't fit the definition of what I wanted - a bonafide romance, where I fall in love and the other falls in love with me. Because I've never had *that*, I discounted everything else that I have had.
The truth is, what person on this planet has the kind of relationship they EXPECT to have with someone?
My therapist helped me to see that in fact, I have been VERY LUCKY to have met as many quality people as I have met, and it is only because *I* am a person of authenticity and high quality, that I met these people.
I am humbled, and somewhat embarrassed. And I'm writing it out here to tell on myself, expose the lie, so I don't do this to myself anymore. I deserve better. I deserve to bask in the truth.
I have been loved many times, and I will be loved again.
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.
-- I must remind myself that sugar is my enemy. I can't control my sugar consumption and sugar makes me mentally unstable. I'm reminding myself (because I forgot again).