I had to post before I was done because H came home.
Anyway - the bottom line is they are good people who care about their son. They have no words for this because they have no frame of reference so instead of facing it they hide.....or hid, maybe they have found some way to communicate now. I don't expect they will be open about it from now on. I don't think this is the beginning of a large number of meaningful conversations. I hope for H it is but ......well..... leopards have trouble changing their spots.