Hi Lucy, Snowy and Sugar.

Thanks guys for your words. I have taken a lot of it to heart, and yes naturally I do fall short grossly short in many areas. I feel like I am drowning, there is no respite to the anguish in my life, I feel like I am always fighting, I struggle at work, I struggle with clients, I struggle at home.

I am just so damn tierd. I need a break from all the anger, I need somewhere that I can just switch off and say, no one is going to scream at me now for the next 6 hours I know I have peace.

I so long for peace. Please I just want peace.

For the first time in 20 years I am actually thinking about ending it all. I have not had these thoughts for 25 years. I wont do it, dont worry, but the fact that I am thinking these things bugs the dung out of me.

Al that I wanted to do was fix my marriage and take care of her to try and make up for some of the pain that I caused her.

Thanks all.

Martin
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