the courage to finally register and post here.
a new year and hopefully some real change.
Sick of my addiction to porn. I know why I do it: to overwhelm myself. To turn off pain through sheer overload.
I don't know how to stop. It's not about achieving a high for me -- its about going numb. Its more like cutting that way, not to feel good but to be so overloaded with sensation that all feeling turns off.
I have had bad experiences with stupid therapists and at this point in my life I really don't have the money anyway.
I also have a sleep disorder which makes it very hard for me to keep any kind of schedule for either group or one-on-one therapy.
But I need to do something. It is not healthy for me and it stops me from looking at myself honestly. I hope that makes sense.
I am very interested if anyone has any words of advice or strategies. My wife is incredibly understanding and has installed protective software on the computer, but I am too smart with computers and always find a way around when I get obsessed.
This is already more than I meant to share. I am more than willing to hear anything any of you are willing to say.
"it's good to be young but let's not kid ourselves -- it's better to pass on through those years and come out the other side with our hearts still beating;
having stared down demons and come back breathing." -- John Darnielle