It is my 2 year anniversary here. Recent weeks have been excruciating for me, and I've been posting nothing but negative messages. I'm unable to feel or receive support that people have posted in response to my postings.
I know you all mean well, and I trust that you all mean well too. For some reason, I am so completely envious of everyone who has had relationships. And those who have had broken relationships, and are struggling or losing their relationships. I envy each and every one of you.
I can't see beyond this, and I'm stuck in this very point - I've never been in a relationship. I've been lonely all of my life. I envy people who can get into (and out of) relationships. I know they're not easy, and they're the source of immense pain.
The responses have triggered me, and I have felt like smacking down people's responses as a result. This is unhealthy for me.
It is probably best for me to depart. Or at least not post anymore. I find myself getting more and more envious of people who post to support me, and this is not a healthy response.
My apologies to everyone if you were in the path of one of my recent diatribes. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, and I certainly didn't mean to incite anger or any other negative feelings. I just don't know how to deal with my chronic loneliness anymore. It's too much to bear.
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.
-- I must remind myself that sugar is my enemy. I can't control my sugar consumption and sugar makes me mentally unstable. I'm reminding myself (because I forgot again).