Welcome to MS. And I'll agree with others that the feelings and experiences you describe are common among us. Distorted sexuality, porn, isolation, inability to trust. We're all in some phase of recovery and it doesn't seem to correlate with how long we've been working on it, or how hard we have tried. It just takes whatever it takes, for each of us individually.

Keep moving forward, you'll find your way eventually. In the meantime make use of the resources here. It WILL help
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "
Joni Mitchell