Welcome to MS. And I'll agree with others that the feelings and experiences you describe are common among us. Distorted sexuality, porn, isolation, inability to trust. We're all in some phase of recovery and it doesn't seem to correlate with how long we've been working on it, or how hard we have tried. It just takes whatever it takes, for each of us individually.
Keep moving forward, you'll find your way eventually. In the meantime make use of the resources here. It WILL help
"Carry on my wayward son
There'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry no more"Kansas