I understand. I was treated like shit by my parents and relitives so I became brainwashed to firmly believe i am shit. I do alot to get better, work on myself. I know I have to be with another who also works on herself. I stay away from shallow people. Being cared about is not a familiar feeling for me. Have not had it, trusted it. Have a friend now who does care and cries when i tell about my childhood. Strange to me to be cared about.
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There is the Thinker and with meditation, the one who watches the Thinker. Get to know the one who watches the thinking. The mind is inherantly pure, we can always go there. An empty mind is a ready mind, it is ready for anything.