As a survivor about to turn 56, and only have been dealing with the CSA stuff for 5 months, I feel the weight of what a short time I have left to make things right in my life, and for others I've hurt. So many wasted years numbed with alcohol, drugs and meaningless sex. None of it matters in the face of a death that will come too soon to make up for it all. That is what I fear most from death, that I'll leave this earth remembered as a broken man who only spread his pain to others.
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"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "
Joni Mitchell