As a survivor about to turn 56, and only have been dealing with the CSA stuff for 5 months, I feel the weight of what a short time I have left to make things right in my life, and for others I've hurt. So many wasted years numbed with alcohol, drugs and meaningless sex. None of it matters in the face of a death that will come too soon to make up for it all. That is what I fear most from death, that I'll leave this earth remembered as a broken man who only spread his pain to others.
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Seems I've got to have a change of scene
Every night I have the strangest dreams
Imprisoned by the way it could have been
Left here on my own or so it seems
I've got to leave before I start to scream
Joe Cocker