In spite of all my efforts, I'm still not able to connect to anyone romantically. It's never happened. I just turned 41, and I've never been in love with someone who's been in love with me.
I feel at a total and complete loss as to make this happen. I've been single forever. And I'm terrified of dying without knowing what this "romantic love" is.
My therapist tells me that I"ll be forever looking for this experience until I have it because it is a supplant to replace the experience of total connection I never had with my parents.
Updated to add - my therapist tells me this is a natural need, that all people who experience the lack of love from their parents experience this need, and that I will forever search to fullfill this need until it is met. I was surprised to hear my therapist tell me this a few weeks ago.
Really? I'll be haunted by this forever until I experience it? And here I am, 41. No closer to my goal than when I set out to achieve it when I was 16.
I'm haunted by this. And my heart is filled with sadness and loneliness.
I hate this.
Edited by Magellan (12/23/12 12:12 AM)
Edit Reason: added a bit
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.
-- I must remind myself that sugar is my enemy. I can't control my sugar consumption and sugar makes me mentally unstable. I'm reminding myself (because I forgot again).