I think back on Beslan, the Amish School, Conyers GA....NO ONE around me even remembers them. I guess its human nature...a survival thing of the normals possibly?
I have always been slain by these things, and for long periods of time. Etan Patz was my first experience with this sort of pain; pain that others feel is not at a reasonable level nor duration. Yesterday, I saw my father. He did not even say a word about the murders, even after I asked if he heard about it. He had the same reaction when Karen died on 9-11.
My ex use to look at me like I was nuts when and whereas I would mourn for two weeks for stranger-children who were lost, abducted, raped, murdered...
Today, I looked at Foxnews.com. I looked at the pictures of 8 or 9 victims. I was slain for them all. People say "don't tourture yourself thinking about it." Freinds and relatives will say "oh man....i can't even think about it."
I recognize that I cannot and will not look away. Those children had to endure what they did. the least I can do is know what they endured.
See, the trouble is, the normals all around me say the same thing about what I experienced. but they don't tell me to look away from something that happened to others. They are saying to ignore and forget what happened to me...to not talk or think about it.
I call them "my silos of horrors." They are great silos filled with the memories and screams and pain and sadness and loss and isolation that I had to keep from the normals as a child. So they expect a child to live through hell and then they state very clearly that they will not even care to hear what's in those silos.
They judge read my journal and called my the contents "very disturbing." He was "disturbed" that he had to read the accounts and recollections of a small boy. he was disturbed that I wrote them down after 35 years. No one wants to recognize horrors. no one wants to hear them...even though children had to endure them.
My father does not want to hear what happened to his son. My sister does not want to hear what happened to her younger brother. Its already happening in the public with regard to Sandy Bend Elementary.
It makes absolutely no humane sense to me.
I'm "that guy."