I'm "Zoebear" I'm a 45 year old male that I have finally come to grips about my childhood abuse. I'm so overwhelmed with emotion and I don't know where to start. I've pretented all this time that I was this person but really I was tainted by what my brother did to me when I was only a child (about 10 years old). I know I can be a better man and be happy but I've dealt with this darkness for so long that my most current relationship on hanging on by a very slim thread. I love my girl and my kids so much but I have not been true to myself or them, especially my Danie. She is the world to me, she is the first to hold me accountable and has not put up with my outbursts and verbal abuse but enough, I owe it to myself and my family to be a better man and to be happy.
I know all over the place here but so much emotion going through me right now. I'm both excited but very nervous and anxious about the future, I know it's going to take time but I'm so glad that I finally took that gorilla off my back and I told Danie everything, how and what he did and how I lied to protect him. I started counseling but I've been so hesitant in telling my counselor everything cause I was ashamed and felt so dirty and inadequate. I meet with her tomorrow and I'm so looking forward to letting this off my chest once and for all.
I miss my family so much but I know the journey that lies ahead of me is not going to be easy but I so much welcome this challenge in my life...why did I wait so long. I'm going to let myself be me and be happy, no more hiding behind a wall...I'm going to knock this wall down.