At least we can be real here. I know there like 99% of my cas pain and suffering and confusion that I don't share with my wife. She knows all and thank god is supportive. My CSA crap took her through hell as well. I want to be compleatly open with her and she wants that as well, but it would engulf our relationship and life like it has engulfed me. It's a fine balance when she looks at me and asks if I am ok. My eye tell, but I just pause and say I am ok. She knows the tole it takes. We just don't talk about it any more. I like to think I am protecting her and my kids from the torment and chaos in side me. We must help our self and other here. We can survive this. In some ways we have leprosy of the sole and as long as we keep it undisclosed everyone's ok. Excep maybe us.
But we need the same things they do, love understanding and community. I think I am finding some of that here.
I hope some day your wife will look you in the eye and say "I know it was not your falt, I am so so sorry that you went through all of that evil as a kid. Lets work on this togeather.