No Still, it’s what I wish for, my ability to accept intellectually is there, but in my heart, I would trade everything to not know what I know, to be normal, to just to be able to enjoy the little things, “it’s not your fault” and I’d give anything just like you would not to be here opening your soul for all to see reliving every painful and shameful memory, and trying so hard to keep going. This shit just sucks cause for me the angers gone but every moment is pain. I wake up it’s there, I toss and turn all night it’s there, I wake up it’s there, it doesn’t go away it’s a part of you, so unless you go away, it’ll always be there, a constant companion, till death do us part. I mentioned my previous statements to the wife, I should have known I was being delusional, it’s so easy to lie to yourself when your been doing it for so long, hell it’s almost easier to lie to yourself then to others right.

Cee