And people wonder why we never tell? Not even faux compassion from those that supposedly care? Just like C. Gecko said nothing I can say can change a thing, it’s all part of the same thing. Society sees us as the problem we ruin good people’s lives we make them uncomfortable we are the reason their children stay indoors under constant “adult supervision”. We all know it wasn’t our fault but society says something different; he was such a fine outstanding member of the community; better watch him can’t trust him with kids “you know”. It just sucks because there are so many of us in this same situation, I know it doesn’t help but how many of us on MS have even heard those words, my wife still hasn’t uttered them to me; 27 years together and she has yet to utter, “it’s not your fault”. See I know it’s important to validate your life through others that you care about but if they’re not going to be forthright about it, you have to take things on yourself. You have to internalize that “it’s not your fault”, you have to know that it’s not your fault; nothing you could have done or not done will ever change that, you were a kid, how can anything be you fault, even legally you’re not responsible, so how can anything be your fault? People who have never been abused as kids just will never be able to understand what it’s like to be abused like this, it’s sex right, you’re a guy right, it’s all good right, your just gay right? They just don’t get what it does to you how it destroys everything about you, how things that are so special and beautiful were taken from you, how the magic of love really works, how sex is not love, how wrong it was what was done to us. Thank god they’ll never know what’s that like; but likewise I’m not sure if they’ll ever be able to truly understand “it’s not your fault”; or even if you want one from them under any circumstance other than sincerity.
"When you're out of the blue and into the black."