I am sorry for the pain and loss you have been through- I missed this post when you first put it here but want to encourage you to keep seeking support and asking around.

I know al-Anon meetings are full of people who have suffered from family members life decisions and people from all backgrounds are sympathetic, caring, and are finding healing in their lives.

Try to reach out and find a local meeting or two- there are meeting every day in most major us cities. Keep reaching out so you find the support and help you need
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner