Thank you for your replies.
I guess, I'm just at a loss of what to do. I believe that he does need to talk to someone about it, however I do not feel it is right for me to push him to see a therapist and he needs to make that decision for himself. Even just linking him this site might set him off at this point. It is very clear it was an accident that he told me, and he made me swear not to ever tell another soul about it (even just posting here, I feel as if I am betraying him, but I need advice on what to do) and I was not to EVER talk about it again. Even though it may make him very angry at first, I feel that at some point I may need to recommend therapy or show him this site, even if it means the end of our relationship. However, I also do not want to lose him, I care for him deeply and I want to stick with him through this if he'll let me. I do not think of him any less, if anything I believe this makes him stronger. But, there is a limit to how much I can take as well.
I did not mention this in my first post, but, unknown to my boyfriend, I am also a victim of sexual abuse, as I was raped by several older students during my first year in highschool. Through therapy, I was able to recover from that experience for the most part. However, I would be lying if I said hearing about his experience does not brings back bad memories of my own. But, I feel as if I need to be strong for the both of us and not show any signs of weakness. But I wonder, would telling him about my experience, and how therapy helped me, maybe make him feel not so vulnerable around me since I went through something similar? Or would telling him bring back too many of his bad memories and be more negative?
I realize that there is not a whole lot I can do for him and he needs professional help and maybe to talk to other male survivors. However, I do not know what to do. I really would like to get him help and introduce him to this site, but like I said above I'm 99% sure he would refuse to help and would get angry at me for even suggesting, but I realize it is also a risk I may have to take.
It seems like no matter what I try to do, it is always my fault now and the conversation will revert back to what happened to him. He tells me he NEVER wants to talk about it to anyone ever and telling me was a mistake. I've been trying to respect his wishes about not talking to him about it and trying to make conversation about other things, but it seems like every conversation gets turned into a complete mess because he, the one who supposedly doesn't want to talk about it, keeps bring up his past abuse. I ask him about work... he turns it into a conversation about his past... if I reply to it, it is my fault it was brought up and he gets mad that I broke his promise about never talking about it... but if I do not reply it is my fault for ignoring his feelings and he gets mad. I would be perfectly willing to listen to him and let him vent to me, I would also be perfectly willing to keep quiet about it and hopefully he will talk to a therapist someday. But it seems like none of these strategies work, it is my fault regardless of what I try to do.
JCM, I think I may try your idea of writing a letter to him since no matter how I speak to him right now, he seems to view it as a confrontation. It sounds like that might make it a bit easier for him to listen to me and easier for me to express my thoughts on his situation.
But aside from that, I just am still at a loss of what to do. Any other advice on what to do, or give me some insight on what he is feeling would be greatly appreciated.