Hello,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years now, he is 28 and I am 25.

Throughout the relationship, I've always noticed that he has had trust issues, random outbursts if anger, feeling unworthy to be my boyfriend, and withdrawing from me emotionally. Often times these things will happen when I say or do something which I did not think would be a big deal, such as talking about his family. He also has always had strange demands sexually, he always needs to be in control and on top or else he cannot maintain his erection.

One day, during one of his outbursts, he accidentally mentioned that he was molested by his mother's boyfriend when he was 13. I am apparently the only person he has ever told. Immediately after telling me, I could tell he regretted it. He simply told me that that was what happened and I was not to ask any questions or ever speak of it again. I respected that and have not said anything about it, however after telling me, he has become very withdrawn. He asks me to leave him alone for hours and refuses to even sleep in the same bed as me now and does not seem to care how his behavior is affecting me emotionally. I even expressed to him once how it was affecting me and making me depressed as well, and his response was that he "didn't care" and then proceeded to take jabs at me and try to make it seem like I was attacking him because I expressed that to him.

I've tried reaching out to him about it, I've also tried to ignore what he told me and go on as if nothing was said. Nothing has worked. It seems like no matter what I say to him, it just ends in him getting mad about what he told me.

These last few weeks have been very difficult, and I'm not quite sure what to do. I can't live like this forever, however I also do care for him and want to stay with him and help if I can. I do not want to abandon him, especially because this behavior is most likely because he was a victim... but I don't know how much more I can take. Even though he claims what happened "does not affect him and it doesn't need to be discussed", it is clear that it does, and as a result it affects both him and me.

How do I go about helping him? Is it really better to endure his current behavior and act like he never said anything? Or is there something I can do to help him?





Edited by MasoCA (12/08/12 09:00 AM)