Oh CG, that's wonderful progress you made - I am so glad you broke the dam and are at last able to accept your younger self. Now there is no one left who can hurt him - and the person best able to help him is you.
Completely understand your unwillingness to accept your own innocence. Self-blame is a sort of reverse form of empowerment - it turns chaos into order. Someone suffering trauma can't bear the thought that it just happened because terrible things happen, because people can attack you and you can't control them, that it could or could have happened again. "There was a cause - it was ME - I did this" can be better at the most vulnerable stages than "Shit happens - you were defenseless - people really can be that unpredictable, dangerous, and evil."
You have to be in a safer place to accept the "less safe" explanation. I'm so glad you made it through. GF sounds like a real keeper, so, double congrats!
Edited by SoccerStar (12/06/12 08:18 AM)
"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny