I finally admitted that some how I was affected before any incident I recall. Once I admitted it I recalled that my T has said repeatedly that I was sexualized early, I just didn't hear him.
Does anyone else have the scars, but doesn't know why? My T suggested I say/think "I want to know" instead of my mantra "I don't know". Which I really see is an invitation for myself to open up.
Guys this is big for me. I always presented/thought of myself as a twisted pervert. But if I just look at the facts, 5 year old boys can't equate violence , humiliation and intimidation with sex. That's not what I was born with, I learned it and i want to know how.