Edited to change focuse.
CSA creates a lot of brutal effects in us. I can realy relate to where you are at and applaud you for asking the thought questions and wresting with your thoughts, feelings and fears. It is a confusing tangled mess that we must contend with. Keep working, stay diligent, it pays off.
The contorted mess is not who we are, we are much much more.
We must devote equal time to the much more, our true selfs.
A counselor once told me a story that help me out.
A man awoke in terror to find a great and terrible demon at the foot of his bed.
He cowered and trembled in fear under his covers until day break.
The next night he awoke to the same horror.
Night after night in terror the man anticipated his imminent demise.
One night the man awoke to see the demon glaring at him.
The man said to the demon "oh it's you again" then rolled over and went back to bed.
This some how helped me give less credence to my obsessions and fears.
Keep up the good work,
Edited by SmartShadow (12/05/12 02:09 PM)
Note to self:
Stand up and keep your footing,
You are not alone. This place is full of people who will reach out to help.