Welcome L84

Glad you r here and that you shared.

First,
You need to do right by YOU.
Not everyone else.

Subsumng your truth and your feelings to others is a big part of why I have had so many troubles.

As a man who stopped acting out sexually after destroying my marriage and career and finances and role as a father (and rebuilt them in recovery)- I want to be clear in this question of "orientation".

My sexuality was damaged, sidetracked and hijacked by abuse- overt CSA, poor modeling and dysfunction in my family growing up- especially the behavior and attitudes my parents taught me.

Imho the main task is Getting ME back, getting to know me ("to know" is to be intimate and I shut down emotionally in that department years back and used sex to act out anger, desire for male connection, fear, and more.)

The image I get when I hear people outside or new to these circles when the "orientation" question comes up is this:

We are very Wounded soldiers are stumbling off a transport plane after being returned home after many years from a war zone. The war may be over on the Battle field, but we carry the scars and memories and horror and regret and grief and remorse and despair all the same.

And thirst thing people back here want to know about our war experience and woundedness is "are you a Democrat or Republican?" (I.e. whose side are you on, are you hetero or gay?)

WTF?

It is an inappropriate, agenda-driven question that is asked out of fear, selfishness and ignorance.

A man's sexuality is a sacred thing for him to know and claim. I respect and stand for the integrity of every man to know his own sexuality and to find someone to share that with.

But I will fight for every abused man to heal his wounds. To own and speak his own truth without judgement or fear of being criticized about the painful path and struggles since the abuse-isolation, shame, depression, addiction, acting out and wading around in chaos.

I hope this is not too harsh a reply- I have lived this question and am happy to share my experience sorting out how I continue to reclaim my own healthy and affirming sexuality for me and the love of my life and how I am emotionally intimate with safe people in my life

That's it-I can have REAL love in my life today. That's a huge F.U. to my abusers.
It is also painful.

Happy to be on this journey with you, L84. Pm me anytime.

Ps. I see whome and Esposa also replied since I saw this- they speak honestly and powerfully.