I don't know the man in your life, and I can only speak for myself. There was no way for me to know love without any healing. I thought I knew it, and thought I felt it but I was simply trying to fill a hole I refused to see for myself. Only when I decided to embrace recovery was love even remotely visible, and like you I realized it was in me all along, I just turned my back on it.
Am I read to love "that way"? Hardly. But when I see a tender kiss, an intimate moment (non-sexual), people happy together, I feel an inescapable emptiness. That feeling reminds that one day I will want to love "that way". But before I can, I need to distance myself from the past. Did the abuse impair my ability to love? No. It pushed me so far in the other direction that I must journey back towards it. In essence, I am returning to love. But like all things, that takes time.
I hope you find the peace you so rightfully deserve. As another has said so eloquently, love yourself and love your life. Heal well.
I am the warrior.