Glad you found this place. Judging by all the stuff going around in your head - you belong here and are welcome. It is good to get that stuff out (or so I have found anyway). It helps me to work through my thoughts and try to understand what is actually going on.
We all understand what you are going through and while our 'stories' may be different the after effects have really messed us all up. This is a good place to begin but I recommend a therapist or counsellor as well if you have the opportunity.
More than meets the eye!