i'm glad you are with us - and processing all this stuff.
you have come to the right place - and are among those who understand - whatever you choose to say.
i hope you will keep at it - working through the unresolved issues. writing and reading here has really heplped me. it is a process - and we all support one another and learn from each other.
so - welcome!
"That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. . . What will your verse be?" Robin Williams as John Keating in "Dead Poets Society"