The concept of misplaced attractions is definitely something I can relate to. A few years ago, I had a mountain biking accident and separated my left shoulder. It was late fall, my arm was in a sling, and I was out of work for a few weeks. One snowy evening I went over to a friend's house, still in my sling, and we sat in front of the fire just talking and listening to music. Out of nowhere and completely unexpected, he reached out and caressed me. I mean his attraction to me was a total shock, and I was equally shocked at my own response - I just melted into him in a sort of surrender. I remember the Cowboy Junkies were playing Sweet Jane and we just started making out. He was a big guy and older - I felt so small in his arms. I didn't understand his feelings or my own - or why I even allowed things to progress almost to the point I may have regretted. It was as if I was given a powerful and addictive drug and it took every ounce of my willpower to break the spell.
Fast forward to last year. I spent a weekend alone in a cabin with the diary I kept when I was 12-13. I wouldn't admit a thing when I was writing to it - even though my "big brother" friend next door started molesting me that year. Still, my T told me to spend some quiet time with it - that I would hear that boy if I really listened. So when the journal reminded me that my arm was in a sling after a bike accident when the molestation began, I literally dropped the diary and had to catch my breath. I suddenly understood the dynamics with my friend in front of the fireplace that recent snowy evening.
If I never read the diary, I never would have remembered. It begs the question, does it not - how many other little triggers in our lives happen at every level every day? I suspect more than we can possibly imagine.
And to this day - as much as I love the song - I still can't listen to the CB's playing Sweet Jane.
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