Well, during a long restless anxious night, with the help of one of the members here being patient but hard-hitting (cheers Alidade) I was able to figure some things out for myself last night.

Anyhoo, I basically figured out something. Don't read this and think of self-hate, but it's like I realized I'm the one that is being neurotic or making myself feel ashamed or disgusting when I think about myself in a sort of sexual manner, then I started to objectify myself too in paradox. I thought others were doing that with me, but it's quite possible I was polarizing what was really happening.

So in a sense, sorry if I ever accused you of making fun of me or degrading me... I probably wasn't thinking very clearly. I'm still learning I guess, but maybe a little advice for other people could help:

Know your mind might cause or create problems, but that doesn't mean you're something to hate-- it just means you can work on it and heal.

I know I'm being quite vague though...