I've only recently discovered this site after having a pretty bad episode, and been having a look around and thought it was time I should join up and start trying to improve my life.
I only just realised it after reading another post, though I was likely groomed from an early age by a family friend, though the abuse didn't start until I was around 12 or 13, and went on for several years. I used to be a good kid before it happened, but ended up acting out, getting into trouble, turning to alcohol, drugs, started smoking, harming myself and shutting everyone out.
The only thing I remember my family questioning was why I was no longer close with the family friend. Due to shame, fear, confusion, and having to keep the "secret", I never said anything. As for the acting out, my parents decided to send me off to boarding school, further isolating me from anyone I knew.
As a result, I ended up with some really serious trust issues and never really let anyone in. I have only ever told a couple of people that I did really trust, though not long afterwards they were no longer in my life anymore. I had always thought that they could not understand or deal with what happened to me, and I swore never to bring it up again.
That changed recently when I met someone and had one of those rare occassions where I could actually open up. It just felt comfortable being myself, and I had an urge to tell them about the abuse. I finally got up the nerve, though sharing what happened brought up a lot of old memories I had buried, and put me in a really dark place. It was only after something they said to me, that I realised that the reason why I likely lost people in the past was not due to them not being able to handle the information, but the way I acted when those emotions came flooding back and I was pushing people away.
So the end result was I decided i needed to try and do something to improve my life. I have been to psychologists and counselling in the past, though never really founf it to help. Even being on medication never really seemed to be a solution for me. Though i thought I would try once more, hopefully being able to something that wil help amongst people who have been through the same situation.
Here's striving for a better future,
Edited by frankie72 (11/23/12 10:33 AM)