Allow me to merely reiterate what peroperic2009 already shared with you. Each of these struggles stems from an emotional need you are trying to fill and while these activities are readily accessible you have clearly communicated your dissatisfaction with them. Their inefficacy is far from inexplicable as peroperic2009's articles and others on this site will show. As you read, share, and hear more from survivors on this site I think you will not only grow to understand what drives you to act but also some alternative, self-affirming activities that can be utilized in their place. Although this replacement may be difficult at times rest assured their effectiveness will be both a lasting and learning experience : )
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"Life is like this dark tunnel. You may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place." ~ General Iroh