I have been thinking about this thread, and this is what I came up with -
(And I apologise in advance if this sounds harsh, but I want you to understand...)
As LovingMum said, you need to apologise. You told him that he should never have children. Yes, I know that was before you did research, but now you know better and I really think he needs to know that. He deserves to know that. I've been told that too, and it cuts you to the bone. It was one of the most hurtful, most traumatic things ever said to me.
You see, with that simple sentence, you told him - You are no better than your abusers. I don't trust you. No one should trust you around their children. You were right not to tell me, because now that I know, I know you are a bad, evil person. You should never tell anyone else, because then they will also know what a horrible person you are. You are right to loathe yourself - you deserve that, etc, etc. I know this isn't how you feel, but this is very likely what he heard.
Can you blame him for not wanting to talk about it any more?
If you can convince him that you trust him and believe him to be a good man, with the potential to be a good father, he may be more inclined to talk with you about it...
I guess what I'm trying to say
Is whose life is it anyway because livin'
Living is the best revenge
You can play
-- Def LeppardMy Story
, Part 2My blog