The one thing I have dealt with since I was a young boy was lonliness. That is one thing I could do without. I remember having anxiety as early as 3 before my abuse at 8. I have never been able to sleep my whole life. Every time I go to sleep I hate it. I am afraid to go to sleep, it's like death to me. When Im with a girl it's o.k. I like to study social dynamics and go out and work on it but it's not enough. People are so complex, it's like this society is so closed minded and stand offish. I tell my family about my goals of having tons of friends and girls and it's like no one understands, like they just look at me with blank faces almost like they think it's not possible. I am so pissed because what's wrong with wanting to have tons of friends and girls? Is it illegal to go for this? I am sick of these rigid closed minded people.