Yes, I agree that with spouses it's a no-brainer. In fact, when I was much younger I promised myself that I would tell no one except my wife. However, I never married.

And now, my dad is well in the twilight of his life, and if there is one parent who would believe me over another, it would be him (although I can't say for 100%).

The other element of this story is that my girlfriend wants to know where our relationship is going, and I feel this loose end in my life needs to be tied up before I can share my life with someone else.

Does anyone think it may be better to tell my gf first? She may help me with my decision of whether or not to tell my parents.

However, if she is repulsed by my story (she may be not want to continue a relationship or risk having children with someone who has these issues) and ends the relationship, then I would have told one more person than necessary.

She wants to have kids and trusts her best friend and her husband to take care of any kids she may have. However, my experience has left me so paranoid that I would not trust anyone with kids, especially a male, except for my parents any future wife's parents.

Do the survivors here who have children ever leave their children in the care of others?

Thank you all for reading and providing insight.

If nothing else, this forum is very helpful in conveying my thoughts about an issue I dare not speak about out loud.