I already know how both of my parents would react when / if I told them. My father would give me comfort and reassurance and love that I desperately need from him specifically about this issue specifically. My mother would die inside, judge herself a failed parent, and never be able to look at me again without crying.

The longer you go without telling, the older you get and the more you empathize with your parents' needs and their lives. What I see - universally - in this thread and the "20 years too late" thread are people who really want to tell their loved ones but are holding back for fear of scaring them or making them feel like failures. It's good to see so many people grow to adulthood with such selflessness and empathy, but these things can be taken way too far and it can't be a coincidence that it's all tied up with all the usual CSA self-hollowing self-cannibalizing bullshit.

If you have good enough parents that telling them would make you feel better - would give you comfort - then don't you think they'd be upset to hear of you taking more pain onto yourself for the purpose of sparing them? Isn't that the OPPOSITE of the good parenting that is precisely what you value from them and why you want to tell in the first place?

It may well make my mom die inside but she spent so many years saying she'd give up her life for her kids, like any good parent would, that there's only so much I can try to protect her before you reach the point that in trying to protect her *I am failing her by not allowing her to protect me - by causing myself to suffer when that is the exact opposite of a good parent's purpose in life*.


Spouses are different. You kind of have to tell them - though the average I've seen on this site has been that most guys waited until ~7 years after marriage; some more than 30 years after. If you have any symptoms whatsoever (exaggerated startle, night terrors, etc) it will be noticed whatever you do.



As for "getting over it".... I *was* over it. For 26 years it seriously never bothered me and I had a good life. 2012 ruined everything. Fucking Mayans.
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My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny