Thank you for your support. Met with my psychiatrist today. We talked for sometime. She believes, like the psychiatrists in the hospital, the events of the past month played a major part in the setback. Stress, abuse, emotional turmoil,verbal attacks, etc all play a role in how the mind reacts. We also talked about the comments that have been thrown my way, psychiatrist says CSA does not affect how an adult acts, that it is not PTSD. She like the psychiatrists in the hospital, reassured me PTSD, fugue can result from unresolved trauma as well as triggers that brings the abuse to the forefront. CSA is a trauma. They all told me, either the psychiatrist is not competent in trauma and CSA or not all facts were presented to the psychiatrist about the CSA and causes of the triggers. I need this to reassure me that I am not going crazy or have been crazy my whole life because of lost time.
We also talked about exploring new therapies--EMDR or other Cognitive Therapies. I will speak with my therapist tomorrow. And after that with the specialist recommended by the hospital psychiatrist.
On one level it is disheartening--to work so hard and have a setback is difficult. One the other hand, at least I know the trauma is not yet resolved and I have more work to do in order to get the life I deserve. I guess I underestimated the effects of visiting the place of the abuse. However,I am glad I did because it brought together so many memories that were scattered as well as the visual of what happened over and over. Now maybe, if I accept them I will no longer harbor buried memories that eat at my core. Thank you for listening