One of my best buddies just left.
He is a kind sweet man who's older brother abused him from age 8. Physical and sexual abuse including sodomizing him. Demeaning him to the point of making him not feel he even belonged in the family "you're not a real (insert last name here)". He has lived his entire adult life in relationships with a series of partners that abused him and held down.
Flash forwards 40 years and this younger brother is the one arranging for xmas now that the parents are deceased. He calls the older brother not hoping to hear traces of any sense of contrition that has never come, but just to hear any sense of appreciation or approval. Fucking approval from someone who held that power and still holds it.
Tragic, why is it we cant hold ourselves in the same light we so easy assign to others. He left in tears when i said its time for forgiveness of himself. Thats the most important place to start. Its the only way to go forward.
Reason is capacity to make sense of things, to give them perspective. But is it unreasonable to expect that of ourselves when, there is no way for a kid to make sense of all that went on. How as an adult can we look back and make any more sense of it? Where is that bridge to reason?
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama
WoR Barrie 2011