I was gang raped, multiple times, 22 years ago in the South African army. I have hidden this secret from everyone until a year ago when I told my wife. I would never have told her either, if our marriage and losing her hadn't of been at stake.

I have drunk, took drugs, had sexuality issues and generally skimmed through life ever since it happened. I am a complete wreck emotionally and physically and am tired of bouncing off the walls trying to survive. I have never been in control of my life and have generally messed up everything I have laid my hands on.

I still have not told my wife exactly what happened, she just knows it happened. I am at the point now that I know if I don't resolve this, I will not be able to carry on much longer. I have 4 children who I love dearly and a wife who I love more than anything and deserves better than what I am currently able to provide - emotionally, financially and physically.

My wife found Rees' story on here and after she showed it to me, and I cried a lot, I made the choice to come on here and start making a change.

This is extremely hard for me as I HATE talking about it. I struggle to stay as 41 year old me when we go down that avenue. I feel attacked and vulnerable whenever the subject is brought up.

So here I am. Scared and asking for help.
"This is the story of how we begin to remember,
This is the powerful pulsing of love in the vein."

"...just below my skin I'm screaming..."