Thanks webelos, it is true that when we decide to confront the abuse and escape the controls, we are looked at with disdain, whistle blowers or opportunists at best. When we seek support from those whom have survived with us, we get a mixed bag of complete dissociation/some/or no support at all. It is a very confusing time, and lonely. I have met some good people here and the survivors and thrivers here are top notch, first rate. My best to you, you are not alone, we are together in this struggle, that we may be rewarded together! Many thanks for your thoughtful reply.

Igor, I have confronted my father... in fact, here is the email I sent to him.
Click to reveal..
"Thank for replying Dad.

Love is far more than simply demanding that as God forgives, so too should the victim. You are the abuser. These scriptures you are quoting are for those who have not seriously sinned, and certainly are not for those who have physically abused to demand of their victims. Can you imagine that King David would demand of Uriah that he forgive him? Do you remember the anguish David went through, that His God made him suffer!?!! You have seriously sinned, the spiritual leaders met with you to discuss what I disclosed to them about you, that should have been a wake up call for you. They cannot read hearts, what was God reading in yours? What is you merciful God reading in your heart as you read this?

How easy it is for your to insist on my forgiving you. Where are your works of repentance? Where is your sacrifice? Let me remind you of the chaos and violence your brand of Fathering created in my life. The struggle to compare what I have learned by your example and that which was inculcated by the beauty and safety of the Scriptures was hardly similar. I cannot go to worship nor even listen to the phone tie in without feeling terrified or consumed by guilt to the point I am so overwhelmed I pass out, literally. I cannot taste the beauty of God without feeling I am worthless or that I am unfit. I rejoice when I hear about the expansion of the our religion, but quickly become overwhelmed by the admonition.

I daily contend through these struggles while you sit with your demands for forgiveness, your "age of reasoning" firewalls and your current effort of service. If this is your soap box, then you are nothing more than a snake oil salesman. I have tasted what you are selling and it is fake, counterfeit and harmful.

I have a process, if you are still reading this, in recovery that makes it necessary to reach out to perpetrators(you, mom, the abuser sister, as well as your accomplice, my younger brother) in order to confront you all, to make you know of the nightmares I have because of the sibling abuse, bullying, sexual and physical abuse and the abandonment you have caused. I am satisfied that that message has been delivered, the confrontation part of recovery, for me, is over. I do not wish to hear your insistence on forgiveness, nor your demanding God's Love to be your absolution. What if you had not come before God with your terrible sins before your death? Would you have been welcomed by God according to his Word? Your sin kept in secret, would you have been declared righteous?

If your reply continues to sidestep my thoughts, but continues to demand "a clean slate" and a "get over it", I am not interested.
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This was a reply to his email here:
"Son, I have read all the emails. I wish that I would have said that I love you rather than just saying I am happy you are happy, even though I meant all the happiness that comes from God. I am a plain, simple man, God and you know that. I follow Ps 103:11,12 that says God puts our trangressions far, far away and doesn't bring them up again. I am reminded of Paul's words at Phil 3:13 to forget the things behind and stretch forward to the things ahead."

That is the latest in that round.

I am all for a controlled and limited contact, having removed myself physically from them, all that was left was to remove myself emotionally. What a blessing and with such clarity that event has brought to me! Thank you Igor, my consistent friend and fellow survivor, you and I will heal soon, I can feel it.

Sam
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MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014