So, I have these episodes where the "it" gets me, the overwhelming and powerful negative emotion that I keep bottled up, sometimes it comes out and gets a grip on me and I can't move or talk. It completely overwhelms me...

In the past few weeks, my T has witnessed this in two sessions. Yesterday, when it started to happen, he made me stand up and tossed a ball at me for me to catch. It was a lot of work, but I was able -- barely -- to catch and toss the ball until the emotion took over and made me sit down and get overwhelmed.

Anyway, I think it was smart of my T to get me physically active, at least so that he and I could see me triggered and what effect that has on me. I didn't like playing catch when i was triggered, but I also can understand that it's a valuable technique for integrating that overwhelming emotion into my body and life.

We're getting ready for EMDR, which is scary but I'm ready for it.
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.