So, I have these episodes where the "it" gets me, the overwhelming and powerful negative emotion that I keep bottled up, sometimes it comes out and gets a grip on me and I can't move or talk. It completely overwhelms me...

In the past few weeks, my T has witnessed this in two sessions. Yesterday, when it started to happen, he made me stand up and tossed a ball at me for me to catch. It was a lot of work, but I was able -- barely -- to catch and toss the ball until the emotion took over and made me sit down and get overwhelmed.

Anyway, I think it was smart of my T to get me physically active, at least so that he and I could see me triggered and what effect that has on me. I didn't like playing catch when i was triggered, but I also can understand that it's a valuable technique for integrating that overwhelming emotion into my body and life.

We're getting ready for EMDR, which is scary but I'm ready for it.
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Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.