She misses our appointment and doesn't answer her phone or voicemails. There is a different person's nameplate on her door. Others in the office seemed not to know who she is. The front security guard knew her but hasn't seen her all day.
I was incredibly "amping" myself up to talk today - major developments some good some bad. Was restless all morning in anticipation and now there's no way to focus. Called my healthplan but they have no other contacts for her. Googled her and found an email address next to a description that is almost certainly her (public website so it's not an invasion), wrote to her apologizing for crossing any boundaries but asking her to make contact ASAP please.
Obviously i hope shes ok and not hurt, but I'd understand if she was just sick or something. If she just fucking forgot that will be hard to see past. During Sandy she specifically thanked me for being HER ONLY PATIENT WHO CALLED TO CANCEL so she would know there was no need to go out in a fucking hurricane and flood. All the others had just assumed she'd know not to expect them.
One week ago today sitting in her office, i took a deep breath and for the first time after 26 years I said out loud to another human being that I had been molested and what he did to me. The talk was what you would imagine I guess. It has become much more "real" since i told, as i was afraid it would be. And today she's nowhere, not here for me.
Edited by SoccerStar (11/16/12 12:35 PM)
"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny