Gecko - wow. I understand your words so well, every one of them as I had felt the same mix of feelings, confusion and a sense of being trapped. By 16 my programming had me convinced of the same things. At times I hated my self then, and at 6 when it started, and myself up to last year.
My counselor helped me see that I was, that I am, so much more then that. I was never defined by "them". When I came to understand that, all of the "me's" of the past have finally been able to sleep safely inside. I have no more hate or blame for me for what happened. I'm now healing, trying to figure out how old I am inside, and finding peace finally. Thank you for posting this poem and I am hoping you can move forward now too.
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato