Your experience and acting out are very familiar to me and others here. You are definitley not alone. Sounds like you are doing what you can to turn your life around. Its hard work but will be worth it. Good luck to you.

"I get up, and nothing gets me down.
You got it tough. I've seen the toughest around.
And I know, baby, just how you feel.
You've got to roll with the punches to get to what's real"
Van Halen