Your experience and acting out are very familiar to me and others here. You are definitley not alone. Sounds like you are doing what you can to turn your life around. Its hard work but will be worth it. Good luck to you.

Seems I've got to have a change of scene
Every night I have the strangest dreams
Imprisoned by the way it could have been
Left here on my own or so it seems
I've got to leave before I start to scream
Joe Cocker